Have you ever just wanted to push the pause button on your life? That's where I am today. I'm in a spot that is so uncomfortable, I just want to sleep through the rest of winter. I'm the kind of person who really takes life by the horns. I don't take alot of timeto sit back and reflect (for good or bad). But this past month I did a 21 day Daniel fast, got the flu for three weeks and sat for the 3rd time to take the Ohio State Bar Exam. I am so tired. I took off a week and tried to rest, but it wasn't enough. Now, today, as I cleaned my house from top to bottom after 45 days of neglect, I found an entry in my oldest daughter's diary that brought me to my knees. She was venting after getting in trouble for not having her room clean (literally the only thing she ever gets in trouble for) and she called me the "B" word in her diary. Not the actual word but she said the B-word. I have prided myself on parenting being the one thing I've done right amidst all the other failings, but this really took the air out of me.
Coming from the childhood I was brought up in, I can't imagine her seeing me that way. I feel so ashamed, like I've failed, and at the same time, I know this comes with the pre-teen/teen angst. But not this daughter...
I've dealt with this type of stuff from her father, my ex-husband, ex-mother-in-law, honestly even my own parents, calling me names; but I never thought it would come from my baby. This is a hard one to overcome, so until the pain stops throbbing, I'd like to hit pause, party away the pain and then come back home.
About Me
- Black Girl Song
- Black Girl singing the songs that have been buried in her heart all her life. Come share with me all the ups and downs that we all go through. White, Latino Asian, let's all sing the Black Girl Song. This is basically the story of survival of the phoenix rising from the ashes again and again...and again.
1 comment:
We were taught as children "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me!" But is this true?? Especially when you know that you are doing all that you know how to do to be a good parent. Is it that our children are less appreciative than we were as kids...do we give them so much that they become to expect nothing less!! I'm sure that instead of being the B-word I've been called a full blown Bitch!! but all I can say to that at this time is "That's Ms. Bitch to you".
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